I went out on saturday to Ally's Birthday party for dinner and to a club on saturday. It was all really nice but nothing to special happened. I thought it would be a good opportunity to write to Jake, as he complained I didn't write either. So I did. It was a short message that just asked what he was doing. He answered (YES!) a super-duper sweet message saying he was also at a club but just got home, asked how I was doing and sais that he cannot wait to see me again. I was ecstatic.
Today we're monday. In class, the dumb boys all sitting behind me started talking about me and me having sex... with maybe Jake? I didn't answer and acted as if they were stupid, like always. I know I told a lot of people but I don't think it was because of me that it reached them so fast. I think it was either one of the people from the ski resort or jake himself. I hope it's not him! I mean at the end everybody knows because there were "popular" kids there. I really starting to wonder how the boys know but aren't sure of (they would be sure if I was the source).
I heard from Emilia that Jake was in town today, and again, he didn't tell me. I don't know where this is going to lead us to but maybe it's a good idea to just stop talking about him to people, pretend to be too busy to listen and just wait a long long time until I see Jake again. Yes, let's make it the plan.
-Zelda
Monday, February 22, 2010
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Day 25: Doubt is crucial
Quite a useless, lame day I have behind me. No important work done, nor anything intersting with friends. I saw Phoebe for lunch and bought a microwave oven with Ally (don't ask). When I was with Ally, we gossiped a bit like always, and on our way to the store we passed by starbucks where, guess what, Jake was sitting at. With a girl. (I still have the gay alert activated). I tried to not see him, and I don't think he saw me. Thank God!! I looked awful and I still do because I'm sick and I wouldn't know what to say. BTW he finally is in town and didn't even think of telling me! Oh sure he promises to see me soon. All lies I bet, he has no skills in communication.
He knows how to bug me.
Also, I'm starting to forget a lot of friends. Phoebe I love seeing but our conversations take us no where. I still confide in her before anybody else so our relationship is fine. Roxy is nowhere to be seen ever since she's dating dan, and she doesn't even realize she's loosing lots of buddies fast. Emilia has become almost meaningless to me right now. She's just that person you can always call to have a drink, but soon there will be absolutely nothing to say anymore. Rosie has also disappeared. Maybe I'll know more of her at uni. Wierdly though, she's not close to any of my new friends from uni, making me wonder whether she's as social as she makes belief. Liam and I have talked, but he's almost stopped giving me his arrogant opinions I loved so much! I think he's a little off, and it's more than him not liking Jake. Andy still calls, almost more than usual, and I'm happy things are still normal with him!
Ally and I have NEVER been so close. I can't wait till we're roommates, it's all we talk about now.
I'm feeling like I'll make quite a few new close friends in the future, without forgetting my old ones.
-Zelda
He knows how to bug me.
Also, I'm starting to forget a lot of friends. Phoebe I love seeing but our conversations take us no where. I still confide in her before anybody else so our relationship is fine. Roxy is nowhere to be seen ever since she's dating dan, and she doesn't even realize she's loosing lots of buddies fast. Emilia has become almost meaningless to me right now. She's just that person you can always call to have a drink, but soon there will be absolutely nothing to say anymore. Rosie has also disappeared. Maybe I'll know more of her at uni. Wierdly though, she's not close to any of my new friends from uni, making me wonder whether she's as social as she makes belief. Liam and I have talked, but he's almost stopped giving me his arrogant opinions I loved so much! I think he's a little off, and it's more than him not liking Jake. Andy still calls, almost more than usual, and I'm happy things are still normal with him!
Ally and I have NEVER been so close. I can't wait till we're roommates, it's all we talk about now.
I'm feeling like I'll make quite a few new close friends in the future, without forgetting my old ones.
-Zelda
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Day 24: The Vacation is over!
I am going to have to resume a entire week of partying and craziness down to one post? This was an absolute crazy vacation, especially for Jake and me and possibly Diana.
-Sunday night Diana's friends from my future Uni came to visit her in the ski resort. They were all very nice and really gave me a feel of my studies next year. No complaints!
-Monday evening the group I dreaded most arrived. Jake with his friends maxime and brother Alex, Antoine and appartement-sharer Anna B were all there. A few tired girls from the night before stayed too, but were to tired to go out, so finally, only the guys went out. Jake and I bearly talked but as usual gave me a sweet hello.
- Tuesday night was out of control. We started as usual at Diana's place but went afterwards to a club. In the club, Alex was showing interest and I was feeling attracted, but as usual I ended up dancing with Jake until we kissed and kissed. When he left then to go smoke (or so) I went over to Maxime and told him: "I'm so stupid, I'm kissing a gay guy." I only said that because I felt like I wasn't learning from my mistakes. Maxime told like a minute later outside to Jake what I had said and Jake came back in pretty mad, asking me why I thought that. my explanation was: "You never write or call so you're not really interested.". He answered: "Do you really think I'd flirt with you everytime I saw you if I were gay? I never write because neither do you and you can get any guy you want.". I felt real stupid there because I knew he was so right. After that he said: "You're sleeping at Diana's house tonight and we're going now." I don't really remember exactly but we got diana's key and walked together there and he was very cute. At her place I was getting nervous but we picked a room and made out and took off our clothes until we were naked. I knew we were drunk so it wasn't the sex od a lifetime but I did lose my virginity that night to him and I know that because I bled. When the others came they opened our door like 5 times to disturb and annoy so clearly everybody knew what was going on. I left at 5 am and the guys were even singing my name. Wonderfully embarrassing.
-Wednesday it was his birthday. He wrote (for the first time ever) at 2pm to ask how I was doing and to tell me we were all going to the restaurant that evening to celebrate. Once there, he was nice and all but we didn't really talk and he was mostly with his friends. At the restaurant I didn't even sit next to him, but next to Maxime, which was fine. It continually got akward as we went out to the club and he talked to other girls and not a second to me. My new friend Morgan told me he was clearly crazy about me and showed it. There must just be a misunderstanding. So finally at like 3 am I go to him and ask if we can talk and he gives a huge explantion: "I've been looking for my words all night and I was really embarassed by the situation. You've become really important for me and I really care about you. I would like a relationship if it's what you want, but I would rather have it once you're at uni with me, because long distance never works." I was stunned, once again he was right and I fully agreed. I understood why he said and was like he was. He also said: "I'm not talking to these other girls to annoy you because I really care for you". We then all went home and he even ran after me to day goodbye. I was the happiest girl ever.
-Thursday night sucked. I saw Roxy and everybody at Diana's place but once again I didn't have any conversation with Jake. Nothing interesting was going on, only drinking and nonsense and I didn't participate. When I wanted to leave the club I didn't see Jake but I told the others to say good-bye for me. When I was outside I saw Jake with Maxime and I talked a while with them. He didn't really want me to leave, either one of them, but I think they really saw I wasn't having any fun.
-Friday everbody left and I was sick.
Everything that happened between jake and I gives me mixed feelings. I really like him, but how will this work out? Can I wait till september?
I have really too much to say but I can't get it all written. The most important stands here. P.S. I don't know when it started, but Alex and Diana were making out!
-Zelda
-Sunday night Diana's friends from my future Uni came to visit her in the ski resort. They were all very nice and really gave me a feel of my studies next year. No complaints!
-Monday evening the group I dreaded most arrived. Jake with his friends maxime and brother Alex, Antoine and appartement-sharer Anna B were all there. A few tired girls from the night before stayed too, but were to tired to go out, so finally, only the guys went out. Jake and I bearly talked but as usual gave me a sweet hello.
- Tuesday night was out of control. We started as usual at Diana's place but went afterwards to a club. In the club, Alex was showing interest and I was feeling attracted, but as usual I ended up dancing with Jake until we kissed and kissed. When he left then to go smoke (or so) I went over to Maxime and told him: "I'm so stupid, I'm kissing a gay guy." I only said that because I felt like I wasn't learning from my mistakes. Maxime told like a minute later outside to Jake what I had said and Jake came back in pretty mad, asking me why I thought that. my explanation was: "You never write or call so you're not really interested.". He answered: "Do you really think I'd flirt with you everytime I saw you if I were gay? I never write because neither do you and you can get any guy you want.". I felt real stupid there because I knew he was so right. After that he said: "You're sleeping at Diana's house tonight and we're going now." I don't really remember exactly but we got diana's key and walked together there and he was very cute. At her place I was getting nervous but we picked a room and made out and took off our clothes until we were naked. I knew we were drunk so it wasn't the sex od a lifetime but I did lose my virginity that night to him and I know that because I bled. When the others came they opened our door like 5 times to disturb and annoy so clearly everybody knew what was going on. I left at 5 am and the guys were even singing my name. Wonderfully embarrassing.
-Wednesday it was his birthday. He wrote (for the first time ever) at 2pm to ask how I was doing and to tell me we were all going to the restaurant that evening to celebrate. Once there, he was nice and all but we didn't really talk and he was mostly with his friends. At the restaurant I didn't even sit next to him, but next to Maxime, which was fine. It continually got akward as we went out to the club and he talked to other girls and not a second to me. My new friend Morgan told me he was clearly crazy about me and showed it. There must just be a misunderstanding. So finally at like 3 am I go to him and ask if we can talk and he gives a huge explantion: "I've been looking for my words all night and I was really embarassed by the situation. You've become really important for me and I really care about you. I would like a relationship if it's what you want, but I would rather have it once you're at uni with me, because long distance never works." I was stunned, once again he was right and I fully agreed. I understood why he said and was like he was. He also said: "I'm not talking to these other girls to annoy you because I really care for you". We then all went home and he even ran after me to day goodbye. I was the happiest girl ever.
-Thursday night sucked. I saw Roxy and everybody at Diana's place but once again I didn't have any conversation with Jake. Nothing interesting was going on, only drinking and nonsense and I didn't participate. When I wanted to leave the club I didn't see Jake but I told the others to say good-bye for me. When I was outside I saw Jake with Maxime and I talked a while with them. He didn't really want me to leave, either one of them, but I think they really saw I wasn't having any fun.
-Friday everbody left and I was sick.
Everything that happened between jake and I gives me mixed feelings. I really like him, but how will this work out? Can I wait till september?
I have really too much to say but I can't get it all written. The most important stands here. P.S. I don't know when it started, but Alex and Diana were making out!
-Zelda
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