Day 34: A pedicure is like a fresh start

Last night I went to a kareoke bar to meet up with the usuals, and a few intersting things happened thoughout the night that I need to write down:
- When Liam arrived, and we went outside, we saw Collin and we all spoke a little before joining Collin in a different bar (not for long). If only these two clueless guys knew what I was thinking of each of them!
- When I was standing at the bar with Phoebe, Liam and a few others I noticed a girl looking harshly at me. I could have sworn I knew that face, for she looks exactly like Jake's exgirlfriend! She kept looking at me with a really wierd face, and I had the feeling she was comparing me because she kept talking to the guys right after looking.
-After a nice beginning with Liam, I was hoping it would be the night where we would get closer. So after a commentary about what he promised on Monday, he gave me a kiss on the lips. I was so stunned and so embarrassed that he actually did that that all I could do was give a kiss back. I don't know why it didn't go any further but I think it was because we were completely uncomfortable. I still like him sosososo much so I was the first to write so I could make it all normal again. I'm hoping on kissing him soon though! He's so sweet to me!
- I wrote to Jake during the evening( I know I shouldn't), but it was a short, cold, lame message "At the club by any chance?". He directly (2 seconds later) wrote that he stayed at uni to work and that he was coming next week end.. We had a few more messages but they're not so important.
- I told Andy that we tried to kiss and it was unconfortable and when he saw me give him a wierd wannabe-kiss at Liam's departure, Andy made fun of me (not in a mean way of course). As I was telling him what was going on, he put his arms around me and all over me and got very close... too close. I thought it was cute but mostly done to make Liam jelous. Idiot friends sometimes.
-When I left with almost everybody, I saw David (a friend of Collin) in front of the club. We had already seen each other last time we went out and he was funny and nice to me. Once again he was cute and didn't want me to go home too soon. Tonight he wrote me asking if I would want to go out. We're Monday. I have school for one month and never again. Phoebe thinks he's interested. Is he?

Short evening but a lot happened, as always. My thought are turning mostly around Liam, whose really becoming my main interest. Secondly Jake, who is like a puppy and stopped all games because I've decided to be the master (I better now). Thirdly, David, who is showing interest even though his buddy Collin was always the intersted one.

-Zelda

Day 33: 2nd round of confusion

Things happen for a reason, right? Why is then nothing happening with Liam and me for the moment? We had a cute date on a wednesday, we go clubbing together, he came over to my house in the middle of the night. But even though you would think nothing should hold us back from jumping at each others necks, he doesn't get further than giving me hugs. HUGS. Even Andy tried more. I'm giving all the good signals (I think) and yet we're not going anywhere. I really believe he's interested just by his cute commentaries and his jelousy of Jake (and vice versa). My mom told me he was probably too shy, gay, or not interested.
Monday night after he came over and did nothing but be a cutie, I chatted with him. I told him he was the only drunk guy who didn't try to make out with me. He laughed and then asked me if he should have. I answered that he is cute and that I wouldn't have refused. He admitted being too shy and asked if we could have a drink on Friday. Wow another try there! Of course I'll try to see him and I invited him for saturday evening, where I'll do a kareoke and go clubbing and probably get drunk (*). He better step up his game!

Otherwise I am over the moon happy because I got accepted at the uni (where Jake and co. study) even though I had sent too late some documents. What a relief!! And that is the reason why I want to get drunk (*), just be able to cool down after one MONTH of killing impatience.

One thing wonders me though. I'm not sure whether I'm really going to that uni anymore. I started seeing law as a really good option for me, as it suits my arrogant personnality and my love for reading and hate for math. If I choose Jake's uni, I'd do management or International relations (I could do law too). Now what??
The confusion keeps sinking in because I am COMPLETELY giving Jake the impression that I'm not interested at all anymore. Everytime I see or talk to him I'm completely uninterested and all he says is "it's been so long!!". Right, 2 weeks? I've waited months to be able to see his face and I complained less.

"The most decisive actions of our life ... are most often unconsidered actions." Andre Gide

-Zelda

Day 32: Once a dreamer, always a dreamer

I spent a long week end with my family, only to realise how much I'm obsessed with Jake. While I was dreaming in the car and at night, only he came to my thoughts, yet also with of mixture of other almost-fictional people.
He's always the number one for me, unfourtunately for my health. I hope I can get off this drug. I so so so so badly want to write him or call him, see him and have him hug me and touch me again. It's annoying how powerless I feel, like there's no cure except time and distance: two things that come every month after I see him again and again...

I can bearly hold my hands back from my phone or from his profile. What's wrong with me? Am I there where I was months ago again??

-Zelda

Day 31: Changing colors

So Jake did not write like he told me he would this week end.
I saw Liam and my group of friends and I had a nice time! Liam and I were close as always, almost looking like a couple! He wants to have dinner with me wednesday evening and gave me his tod's bracelet to wear until wednesday. Very cute of him!!
Crazy to think that we've never even kissed!
Something funny this week end was seeing old old old school friends in the club. I wonder if they recognized me well or not!!

Why didn't Jake write this time even though he did it last time?
How interested is Liam? Are we more than friends just because we love seeing each other or is it a normal relationship?

My life really changes from one week to another!

-Zelda

Day 30: In the name of hot pink nailpolish!

Once again I stayed home alone to go out! Leah like usual picked me up and brought me home. It was the closing of a club we love so much and we used the occasion to party there. One thing to notice, everybody was doing the same. So yeah, there was everybody I didn't need to see.
With a few people we first went to get a drink, and I was waiting for Liam to join. Something amazing happened, Jake wrote! Just like I asked! He wanted to know if he would see me (and he even wrote 4 times during that evening, touché!). So Liam wanted to be with me and maybe my friends but he really didn't want to go to the club liked planned. He still went for me though. Since in the beginning Jake wasn't there he didn't mind staying with us, but every time jake wrote I knew Liam was annoyed. When we left a little while to have a drink just the two of us, we went to the place where Jake was. So he saw me alone with him (mostly his friends saw) and when he left he wrote a "Hahaha ;)". What does that even mean?
Once we headed back to the club Liam wanted to leave (mostly because he didn't want to see Jake & co.). The evening was already more boring for me. The few times I did talk in person with Jake he asked me jalously why I was with Liam. I told him that he was my friend but somehow he didn't like the answer. When I left I told Jake and stupidely I congratulated him for writing me. (Bad idea) And he said he would write for the following week-end.

-Zelda