Day 38: New beginning please come!

So I must get a few things of my chest, in order of importance (the first needing to be said more than anything):
-I must must must end it COMPLETELY with Jake! We were supposed to see each other friday night, and just not to wait alone I went to a bar with friends. At ten thirty he tells me he won't come, having still a swollen mouth and no more motivation. Firstly, I am the motivation for his evening. Secondly, he could have known that before ten thirty. Thirdly, a guy who really likes a girl does not do that to her, no matter what condition he's in. So clearly he is not interested and I must give him up, completely!
-I'm in exams since last Monday, and my first oral exam is tomorrow. I cannot wait to get it over with because I know that then the next step is moving out and changing my entire lifestyle. So I better do a good job at these exams!!
-I have a blackberry now, and so I was writing to Jake, Diana and Emilia from it for the last 2 weeks. Of course I don't write to Jake anymore.

Getting stood up and sitting in the library are the only things going on for me right now. I do get to spend a lot of time with Phoebe, which is at least the good part of these exams!

-Zelda

Day 37: Alejandro!

I'm back!! Yes I took 2 weeks vacation even if in 10 days I have big exams! I went to Arizona and Utah and turned 18! On my birthday, I lived the unexpected (other than driving a fastboat). Jake wrote! I was sure he was going to forget it. So sure I didn't even think of expecting a message. The message quite cute and I was for sure suprised.
Other than that, I forgot to mention that my entire group of friends has forgotten our friend Rose. She robbed from Phoebe (more than money), ruined Phoebe's reputation for her own good and we realise only now that she's history that we're all better off. She has even left the uni I'm going to attend. No more people will think badly of us because of bad things she could have possibly said.
Yet today, Marina saw her in the city! Very unexpected. I wonder why she would come here even with her bad reputation. Maybe to serve her wealthy customers.
Other than that, Jake had told me he was going to go to Germany during the month of august so I expected not to see him this month, yet my sister saw him yesterday in front of starbucks... Strange. Why wouldn't he tell me so that we actually do see each other before uni? Always typical complicated Jake. I should leave him as he is and concentrate on my exams, which by the way is bloody hard.
My birthday gift is usually going to be a blackberry, but as usual, my mom is slow on getting it for me. My birthday was 10 days ago. Why doesn't she just move her butt and buy it? It's all I really want and I only asked for a blackberry and an expensive purse (which I'll probably never ever get). So far, nothing coming. Yet I've been asking for these presents for at least 8 months!! Everybody else gets that stuff faster... and usually I don't compare but it was my 18th birthday!!

So how shall I concentrate? I'm thinking od Jake,mydutch friend from New Year who wants to visit me and wants me to visit him in London, and my present I'm not getting. Sh*t.

Oh, just let me go, Alejandro!

-Zelda

Day 36: Suprise, Suprise!

I went out last week end and I only want to resume it by saying, I had a nice evening laughing with Andy and talking about everything with Jake.Like last time, he said he would call me, but it seemed a bit more sincere since he wasn't drunk. He was super sweet and really we had a great time talking even in different languages.
Next day, no call. Exactly what I expected.


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



Jake called Thursday!! I'm astonished that he really did! He wanted to keep his promise and talk about Saturday, since he was coming. I've never been so happy!

Saturday evening was last night, and it was Emilia's Birthday. Andy was really all over me and didn't hide it, and I didn't think enough about what Emilia would think.. until she called this morning, saying it was rude to her that we spent so much time together, and that Andy was only being nice because Phoebe told him to stop.
Jake came at around 1.20 am. He wrote a few before he arrived and once he came and I gave him a VIP bracelet he was acting so adorably to me it was insane! He always let me walk in front of him, we talked for hours about everything, he ditched his ride home to spend time with me, we held hands when we walked out and to the other club, he went to his friends there but always wanted me right next to him... And we didn't kiss once. When he brought me to the taxis so that he could take his train I gave him a short kiss and like usual he ended the evening saying "I'll call you tomorrow!!". Except that afterwards he wrote me a sms saying he had a good evening and that I should get home well.
This morning Roxy tells me how crazy he is about me because he only talked about me and was super sensitive to whatever I wanted and cared so so so much. Funny because she thought I wasn't well off with him but now she's convinced we fit perfectly together.
Honestly, even if Collin was having a shitty evening somewhere else in the club and my annoying ex was close by and Emilia was pissed for something stupid, I had a GREAT evening. I've never been happier at his sides.

-Zelda

Day 35: Desperation hot & humid

I need to resume facts of 3 week ends into one blog post.
First week end Friday, I went to the city to meet up with Ally (who left quickly) and I waited to see whether I coud meet anyone else. While I was crossing the street, I see Jake, who stops me and asks me to go with them. Them was Jake, an italian friend who was at the ski resort, his ex Joss and a friend (quite popular girls). It was probably the most uncomfortable situation in the world for me. The girls left for about an hour and I was alone with Jake at starbucks. We talked like real friends would, and I was super happy. When the girls came back, we understood ourselves well, even though his ex asked some indiscreet questions. I left to see Liam, who like always is a cutie.

2 week-ends ago, I saw Mathew for a coffee but came 1 hour late. He was waiting in front of starbucks with Jake... great. I arrived and said hi to them, but after 2 minutes of hearing Jake's voice I told mathew that we should leave. Jake said "let's phone for tonight!!" (since we had nothing planned). He didn't call or call back. -100 points for him.
The next evening (saturday) I went to the movies with Liam and we had a drink. On our way to a different bar he kissed me for real! It was quite wierd and fun and interesting. We spent most of the evening in each others arms. The next day I wrote to see him, but he couldn't. I tried again 2 other days and each time a no. So it pissed me that a saturday he would rather spend time with dan than with me. To that he wrote that he didn't want to hurt my feelings and that he wasn't ready for a relationship. When have I ever talked about a relationship?? I told him he understood it all wrong, and yet he's not convinced with my arguments. I haven't written since (except fussball). What do I do?
Otherwise that Satudray I went to the club and saw Andy. Together we went to the club where Collin was (he writes without needing an invitation) and where Jake and his ex and their friends' were. He was cute but I was cold. He should have called me before and I didn't want to appear interested. I spent the evening with Collin in the club and when Jake left, he came up to me, started kissing me on the cheek and asked me who Collin was. When I said who cares, because he didn't call anyway, he said: I'll call you tomorrow, I swear!!"

We're Tuesday and OF COURSE he didn't call. Nor did Liam. And Collin's acting like every other day.
What should I do? Tell Jake that I'm sick of his behaviour and have it said? Call Liam so that we can stay friends? Hang with Collin so that I can feel a little bit happy?
Gosh, I wish I had all the answers. Right now, I have all the questions.

-Zelda

Day 34: A pedicure is like a fresh start

Last night I went to a kareoke bar to meet up with the usuals, and a few intersting things happened thoughout the night that I need to write down:
- When Liam arrived, and we went outside, we saw Collin and we all spoke a little before joining Collin in a different bar (not for long). If only these two clueless guys knew what I was thinking of each of them!
- When I was standing at the bar with Phoebe, Liam and a few others I noticed a girl looking harshly at me. I could have sworn I knew that face, for she looks exactly like Jake's exgirlfriend! She kept looking at me with a really wierd face, and I had the feeling she was comparing me because she kept talking to the guys right after looking.
-After a nice beginning with Liam, I was hoping it would be the night where we would get closer. So after a commentary about what he promised on Monday, he gave me a kiss on the lips. I was so stunned and so embarrassed that he actually did that that all I could do was give a kiss back. I don't know why it didn't go any further but I think it was because we were completely uncomfortable. I still like him sosososo much so I was the first to write so I could make it all normal again. I'm hoping on kissing him soon though! He's so sweet to me!
- I wrote to Jake during the evening( I know I shouldn't), but it was a short, cold, lame message "At the club by any chance?". He directly (2 seconds later) wrote that he stayed at uni to work and that he was coming next week end.. We had a few more messages but they're not so important.
- I told Andy that we tried to kiss and it was unconfortable and when he saw me give him a wierd wannabe-kiss at Liam's departure, Andy made fun of me (not in a mean way of course). As I was telling him what was going on, he put his arms around me and all over me and got very close... too close. I thought it was cute but mostly done to make Liam jelous. Idiot friends sometimes.
-When I left with almost everybody, I saw David (a friend of Collin) in front of the club. We had already seen each other last time we went out and he was funny and nice to me. Once again he was cute and didn't want me to go home too soon. Tonight he wrote me asking if I would want to go out. We're Monday. I have school for one month and never again. Phoebe thinks he's interested. Is he?

Short evening but a lot happened, as always. My thought are turning mostly around Liam, whose really becoming my main interest. Secondly Jake, who is like a puppy and stopped all games because I've decided to be the master (I better now). Thirdly, David, who is showing interest even though his buddy Collin was always the intersted one.

-Zelda

Day 33: 2nd round of confusion

Things happen for a reason, right? Why is then nothing happening with Liam and me for the moment? We had a cute date on a wednesday, we go clubbing together, he came over to my house in the middle of the night. But even though you would think nothing should hold us back from jumping at each others necks, he doesn't get further than giving me hugs. HUGS. Even Andy tried more. I'm giving all the good signals (I think) and yet we're not going anywhere. I really believe he's interested just by his cute commentaries and his jelousy of Jake (and vice versa). My mom told me he was probably too shy, gay, or not interested.
Monday night after he came over and did nothing but be a cutie, I chatted with him. I told him he was the only drunk guy who didn't try to make out with me. He laughed and then asked me if he should have. I answered that he is cute and that I wouldn't have refused. He admitted being too shy and asked if we could have a drink on Friday. Wow another try there! Of course I'll try to see him and I invited him for saturday evening, where I'll do a kareoke and go clubbing and probably get drunk (*). He better step up his game!

Otherwise I am over the moon happy because I got accepted at the uni (where Jake and co. study) even though I had sent too late some documents. What a relief!! And that is the reason why I want to get drunk (*), just be able to cool down after one MONTH of killing impatience.

One thing wonders me though. I'm not sure whether I'm really going to that uni anymore. I started seeing law as a really good option for me, as it suits my arrogant personnality and my love for reading and hate for math. If I choose Jake's uni, I'd do management or International relations (I could do law too). Now what??
The confusion keeps sinking in because I am COMPLETELY giving Jake the impression that I'm not interested at all anymore. Everytime I see or talk to him I'm completely uninterested and all he says is "it's been so long!!". Right, 2 weeks? I've waited months to be able to see his face and I complained less.

"The most decisive actions of our life ... are most often unconsidered actions." Andre Gide

-Zelda

Day 32: Once a dreamer, always a dreamer

I spent a long week end with my family, only to realise how much I'm obsessed with Jake. While I was dreaming in the car and at night, only he came to my thoughts, yet also with of mixture of other almost-fictional people.
He's always the number one for me, unfourtunately for my health. I hope I can get off this drug. I so so so so badly want to write him or call him, see him and have him hug me and touch me again. It's annoying how powerless I feel, like there's no cure except time and distance: two things that come every month after I see him again and again...

I can bearly hold my hands back from my phone or from his profile. What's wrong with me? Am I there where I was months ago again??

-Zelda

Day 31: Changing colors

So Jake did not write like he told me he would this week end.
I saw Liam and my group of friends and I had a nice time! Liam and I were close as always, almost looking like a couple! He wants to have dinner with me wednesday evening and gave me his tod's bracelet to wear until wednesday. Very cute of him!!
Crazy to think that we've never even kissed!
Something funny this week end was seeing old old old school friends in the club. I wonder if they recognized me well or not!!

Why didn't Jake write this time even though he did it last time?
How interested is Liam? Are we more than friends just because we love seeing each other or is it a normal relationship?

My life really changes from one week to another!

-Zelda

Day 30: In the name of hot pink nailpolish!

Once again I stayed home alone to go out! Leah like usual picked me up and brought me home. It was the closing of a club we love so much and we used the occasion to party there. One thing to notice, everybody was doing the same. So yeah, there was everybody I didn't need to see.
With a few people we first went to get a drink, and I was waiting for Liam to join. Something amazing happened, Jake wrote! Just like I asked! He wanted to know if he would see me (and he even wrote 4 times during that evening, touché!). So Liam wanted to be with me and maybe my friends but he really didn't want to go to the club liked planned. He still went for me though. Since in the beginning Jake wasn't there he didn't mind staying with us, but every time jake wrote I knew Liam was annoyed. When we left a little while to have a drink just the two of us, we went to the place where Jake was. So he saw me alone with him (mostly his friends saw) and when he left he wrote a "Hahaha ;)". What does that even mean?
Once we headed back to the club Liam wanted to leave (mostly because he didn't want to see Jake & co.). The evening was already more boring for me. The few times I did talk in person with Jake he asked me jalously why I was with Liam. I told him that he was my friend but somehow he didn't like the answer. When I left I told Jake and stupidely I congratulated him for writing me. (Bad idea) And he said he would write for the following week-end.

-Zelda

Day 29: Through bad times and good times?

I haven't written in a month! Bad Bad Zelda! So much has happened that my head is spinning when thinking about writing it all down, but it needs to be written.

The week end after Gaga's birthday I had another party. Actually I didn't but Friday evening I ended up not going to the mountains and so not having anything to do. That afternoon (Friday) I saw Emma at the coffee shop. Of course, as most fridays, Jake was sitting there too, standing up really nicely and going inside to say hello to me and yet us not talking too much. In the evening I went for drinks with Leah and Mathew and who comes walking in? Jake with a few friends that were all in the Resort during the vacation when it happened. This time Jake did not stand up for me or do much. In the club, same place Jake and co. were, I had a bad evening. Jake was flirting again with Agnes the sheep, I was not invited to any table and Emilia wanted to leave. I knew that if I left so soon I would cry when getting home. So I still took my jacket and headed for the door. In front of the door I said happy birthday to an old friend who wanted to date me, Danny. He invited me to his table back inside! I met his brother, a nice guy who gave me a lot to drink and I ended up drunk. Very drunk. I went over to Jake and asked:
"So do you like this girl?"
"Yeah I like her." he said.
"and what am I good for?"
"You're for uni." he dared to say to my face!
After that I was so pissed that I made out with Danny's brother and I wrote Jake drunk messages when getting home. I told him everything thing I thought and how stupid he was for not staying with me.

A month has passed since that happened! Vacation of course and the last days of skiing.

Last week end I stayed again in the city and I went out on Friday and Saturday. Friday was fun with my people, no drama banana! Liam is back and I saw him and I was over-happy! I kissed Collin, but I don't see it going any further than friendship because he's such a sweetheart but there's no chemistry!
Saturday night I had a drink with Liam, who seems to like me more than he says but who cannot approach me!
Then my group went to the club most popular people go to, and we sat in Vip and a friend-of-a-friend's table. I didn't see a lot of the usuals in the beginning, but when I stood near the entrance while walking with Chiara, Jake walks in.
I expected everything BUT the things that happened.
He came smiling and walking fast in to me, presenting my his best friend Julie and asking me how I was and that he needed to talk to me badly.
When we did talk, outside he came to me and took my hand to walk me there, he told me how sorry he was for acting like a jerk. He told me many things but I cannot remember in which order:
-He's happy I wrote the messages, He too is still interested in me.
-He ended it with Agnes, because he never was really interested, and only used her for practical reasons like making me jelous. She wanted to date and he said "It's not because I left Zelda to be single that I'm gonna start dating you." Mean, but I like it.
- He's sorry for pretty much everything and is still interested in me! When he left, he asked "are you still mad?" and I said "We'll see". WE'LL SEE!! I'm finally making him run and not the other way around! He answeres "Lets see each other next week end!" I said "I'm not here but you can always write if you want to see me."
And he was so cute, so touchy-touchy, so trying to show me he cared and that he was sorry, and I still made it to be nice but distant!!! I'm so proud of myself.

He did not write afterwards but I expected it anyway and I'm not mad.

What do I want now?? I love Collin as a person because he cares and writes and is sweet but I don't want much more than friendship. I love Liam because we have a connection and I think that there could be chemistry, but he does nothing except act like an attracted friend! And of course there's Jake. I don't know what to think! Of course I care so so so much about him and love him a lot but I'm not sure we're going anywhere together except to uni. I would love to have him now though, I miss his touch, but I miss it less than I did a month ago. Those tears have dried.

"We need to find the courage to say NO to the things and people that are not serving us if we want to rediscover ourselves and live our lives with authenticity." Barbara De Angelis


-Zelda

Day 28: 20 Days later... all is different.

I went out two week ends now. Phoebe's b-day party and another girls party (I'll name her Gaga).
First week end, Fantastic party, great people, loads of pictures and a lot to drink. Fun, Fun, Fun.
As usual, one problem, Jake. He wrote Emilia a sms asking her what she was doing and he came with Anthony. At the beginning he was sweet, stayed close to me. I realised a lot of flirts or guys were looking at me and at him, and I said: " Lots of guys are interested in me". Apparantly, that was all that was needed to make him crack. He became super-distant, and then kissed, no, made out, with his friend Agnes. I was in a thousand pieces. The worst night of my life and I realised right at that moment that I have feelings for him, real ones! I was between rage and tears. Gaga helped me confront him, and he told me honestly that I meant a lot to him and that he was trying to forget his ex and that he kissed her to make me jelous. Why thank you for ruining my night, Jake. I wish you hadn't come, even though I know more about you now.

The next saturday night was a funny one, but nothing special happened for me. Phoebe made out with my sorta flirt and I couldn't have been happier for her, because I'm clearly emotionnally attached to some one... It bugged me all night to not have seen or met a guy I really liked. Maybe next time!

Today it's wednesday. I think I'll be having a drink with my sweet friend Collin. I think he would like more and he deserves a lot more than frienship I find. Otherwise I've been speaking to Liam, and he's finally coming home!!! I'm so happy... maybe sparks will fly? I hope they do. Andy is in military service so I don't get as much news as before, I hope he's allright!

It's late, and I resumed the things I cared about, nothing more. Good night world.

-Zelda

Day 27: Sun is coming...

I did not go out last week end. In fact, I'm not going out this week end either. Next week end will be the interesting one, yay!
Even if i didn't leave the house other than to go shopping, to tennis, to starbucks or to Andy's house, I have some interesting things I'm thinking about.
1. I love counting and making lists as seen previously.
2. I watched the episode od How I met your mother where Carrie Underwood guest stars, and I'm trying to figure something key out. Am I on the hook? On Jake's I mean. Cause after that episode i was left stupid. He told me he wants to date, but not now, in September. Sure, I'm waiting but at the same time I'm seeing other people, and yet if he calls right now, I'd be available to him. So yes, I guess I'm on the hook. I ABSOLUTELY need to get off that hook, but I REALLY like him and of course I know why we're not dating now, he doesn't live here. What do I do?
3. I met a long time ago (or a good month) a guy I really liked physically at one of my fav clubs. I added him on facebook and he finally accepted and we talked a bit on chat. This guy, Phil, was completely suprised I remembered him, after I told him he was the only guy I remembered from that night(more likely only guy name). So he has a serious ego problem or why does he think no girl ever remembers him (as he said)? I like him, and I might invite him for a drink soon.
4. My dutch guy fron New year, Tony, has been talking quite a lot with me lately. Honestly, I'm really liking talking with him, cause he's always funny and makes me smile (even through chat). He cannot wait till next christmas to see me again, and neither can I !
5. I really want to go to Phoebe's birthday party with a guy because at least I know I'll have fun. Who shall I take? I would like either Jake or Phil, but I don't talk enough to either and I don't think it's my fault.

-Zelda

Day 26: Turning pages quickly

I went out on saturday to Ally's Birthday party for dinner and to a club on saturday. It was all really nice but nothing to special happened. I thought it would be a good opportunity to write to Jake, as he complained I didn't write either. So I did. It was a short message that just asked what he was doing. He answered (YES!) a super-duper sweet message saying he was also at a club but just got home, asked how I was doing and sais that he cannot wait to see me again. I was ecstatic.
Today we're monday. In class, the dumb boys all sitting behind me started talking about me and me having sex... with maybe Jake? I didn't answer and acted as if they were stupid, like always. I know I told a lot of people but I don't think it was because of me that it reached them so fast. I think it was either one of the people from the ski resort or jake himself. I hope it's not him! I mean at the end everybody knows because there were "popular" kids there. I really starting to wonder how the boys know but aren't sure of (they would be sure if I was the source).
I heard from Emilia that Jake was in town today, and again, he didn't tell me. I don't know where this is going to lead us to but maybe it's a good idea to just stop talking about him to people, pretend to be too busy to listen and just wait a long long time until I see Jake again. Yes, let's make it the plan.

-Zelda

Day 25: Doubt is crucial

Quite a useless, lame day I have behind me. No important work done, nor anything intersting with friends. I saw Phoebe for lunch and bought a microwave oven with Ally (don't ask). When I was with Ally, we gossiped a bit like always, and on our way to the store we passed by starbucks where, guess what, Jake was sitting at. With a girl. (I still have the gay alert activated). I tried to not see him, and I don't think he saw me. Thank God!! I looked awful and I still do because I'm sick and I wouldn't know what to say. BTW he finally is in town and didn't even think of telling me! Oh sure he promises to see me soon. All lies I bet, he has no skills in communication.
He knows how to bug me.

Also, I'm starting to forget a lot of friends. Phoebe I love seeing but our conversations take us no where. I still confide in her before anybody else so our relationship is fine. Roxy is nowhere to be seen ever since she's dating dan, and she doesn't even realize she's loosing lots of buddies fast. Emilia has become almost meaningless to me right now. She's just that person you can always call to have a drink, but soon there will be absolutely nothing to say anymore. Rosie has also disappeared. Maybe I'll know more of her at uni. Wierdly though, she's not close to any of my new friends from uni, making me wonder whether she's as social as she makes belief. Liam and I have talked, but he's almost stopped giving me his arrogant opinions I loved so much! I think he's a little off, and it's more than him not liking Jake. Andy still calls, almost more than usual, and I'm happy things are still normal with him!
Ally and I have NEVER been so close. I can't wait till we're roommates, it's all we talk about now.
I'm feeling like I'll make quite a few new close friends in the future, without forgetting my old ones.

-Zelda

Day 24: The Vacation is over!

I am going to have to resume a entire week of partying and craziness down to one post? This was an absolute crazy vacation, especially for Jake and me and possibly Diana.
-Sunday night Diana's friends from my future Uni came to visit her in the ski resort. They were all very nice and really gave me a feel of my studies next year. No complaints!
-Monday evening the group I dreaded most arrived. Jake with his friends maxime and brother Alex, Antoine and appartement-sharer Anna B were all there. A few tired girls from the night before stayed too, but were to tired to go out, so finally, only the guys went out. Jake and I bearly talked but as usual gave me a sweet hello.
- Tuesday night was out of control. We started as usual at Diana's place but went afterwards to a club. In the club, Alex was showing interest and I was feeling attracted, but as usual I ended up dancing with Jake until we kissed and kissed. When he left then to go smoke (or so) I went over to Maxime and told him: "I'm so stupid, I'm kissing a gay guy." I only said that because I felt like I wasn't learning from my mistakes. Maxime told like a minute later outside to Jake what I had said and Jake came back in pretty mad, asking me why I thought that. my explanation was: "You never write or call so you're not really interested.". He answered: "Do you really think I'd flirt with you everytime I saw you if I were gay? I never write because neither do you and you can get any guy you want.". I felt real stupid there because I knew he was so right. After that he said: "You're sleeping at Diana's house tonight and we're going now." I don't really remember exactly but we got diana's key and walked together there and he was very cute. At her place I was getting nervous but we picked a room and made out and took off our clothes until we were naked. I knew we were drunk so it wasn't the sex od a lifetime but I did lose my virginity that night to him and I know that because I bled. When the others came they opened our door like 5 times to disturb and annoy so clearly everybody knew what was going on. I left at 5 am and the guys were even singing my name. Wonderfully embarrassing.
-Wednesday it was his birthday. He wrote (for the first time ever) at 2pm to ask how I was doing and to tell me we were all going to the restaurant that evening to celebrate. Once there, he was nice and all but we didn't really talk and he was mostly with his friends. At the restaurant I didn't even sit next to him, but next to Maxime, which was fine. It continually got akward as we went out to the club and he talked to other girls and not a second to me. My new friend Morgan told me he was clearly crazy about me and showed it. There must just be a misunderstanding. So finally at like 3 am I go to him and ask if we can talk and he gives a huge explantion: "I've been looking for my words all night and I was really embarassed by the situation. You've become really important for me and I really care about you. I would like a relationship if it's what you want, but I would rather have it once you're at uni with me, because long distance never works." I was stunned, once again he was right and I fully agreed. I understood why he said and was like he was. He also said: "I'm not talking to these other girls to annoy you because I really care for you". We then all went home and he even ran after me to day goodbye. I was the happiest girl ever.
-Thursday night sucked. I saw Roxy and everybody at Diana's place but once again I didn't have any conversation with Jake. Nothing interesting was going on, only drinking and nonsense and I didn't participate. When I wanted to leave the club I didn't see Jake but I told the others to say good-bye for me. When I was outside I saw Jake with Maxime and I talked a while with them. He didn't really want me to leave, either one of them, but I think they really saw I wasn't having any fun.
-Friday everbody left and I was sick.

Everything that happened between jake and I gives me mixed feelings. I really like him, but how will this work out? Can I wait till september?

I have really too much to say but I can't get it all written. The most important stands here. P.S. I don't know when it started, but Alex and Diana were making out!

-Zelda

Day 23: Bored with casualities

Since the christmas break, I've bearly gone out. I had once a drink with a friend in the ski resort and otherwise nothing until friday and saturday evening.
Friday I had a small gettogether, and honestly I had a great time because it was only with people I liked and it was entirely drama-free.
Saturday wasn't comparable (even if I preferred friday to saturday). We had a huge group celebrate somebody's birthday at a club that to my opinion sucks for the folowing reason: Everybody goes there. When I say everybody, I mean everybody I really don't want to see when clubbing. Consequence? I had an awful evening and was completely sobre, I didn't get to flirt for a second, I had to see faces I really never want to see, I had to "babysit" Phoebe because she was making a fool out of herself by flirting with Andy and then the guy with a reputation,I had to watch "couples" form while I sat alone enjoying the view on either my ex, his friends, or everybody that heard of Jake and I, etc, etc, etc...
So it sucked for me.
In less than a week I'm going back to the ski resort where Diana will also be and I REALLY hope that I have fun this vacation and that I forget last night completely.
Otherwise on my list? Schoolwork and registration for Uni. It's a little much right now.

-Zelda

Day 22: Cheap start

It's 2010! And wow for all that already happened!
Roxy and Laura were in the ski resort, as well as my new friend Diana, her buddy Marc from London, Dan from my hometown with his buddy G.
Resuming:
-Laura bearly aever went out, even though she was without her parents. Roxy to the contrary went every night with me and sometimes Diana too.
-Diana and I have so much in commun. She's more into alchohol than I am, but she always gets me motivated. I'm scared she's not telling me the truth about Jake and I'll look like a total idiot but I'm hoping she does see me as a good buddy.
-I hooked up with a dutch guy for New year, I though he was fun and different to what I'm used to. Unfourtunately I feel like he doesn't like me really but Roxy, and it pisses me. When he took her home, and not me like he should have, I was drunk and wrote a dumm text to her. He read it and later wrote to her: I shouldn't have kissed her. She told me this 2 weeks later though. The next night I saw him and we hooked up again. If only I had known!!! Now I still talk to him and he seems interested but I since she told me I stopped talking to him unless he wants to contact me. How do I show him he fucked up big time?
-Dan told me in a wierd drunk way that Jake possibly said stuff like I slept with him (or close to that) which is completely false. Idk what I'm going to do when I see him again. AGAIN somebody is fucking up big time!!
-Andy called a few times this vacation and I'm very proud of him. I'm starting really to be grateful for our friendship.
-Matt my ex hooked up with a really ugly girl even though he had a girlfriend at home (who he left) and on new year that ugly shemale hooked up with another guy. He was really feeling awful and I enjoyed every minute because at times he purpously made out with the girl in front on me. He keeps getting more desperate?

My starting problems? The dutch guy who's afte Roxy but hooked up with me and makes me stand like an idiot, Jake who probably told everybody, including Diana and Dan, we slept together when it's false. It's really only boy trouble, I wanna move on already!

This is going to be a new year, I'm turning 18, moving out and going to uni. I bet the drama just started!