Day 21: On to a better place...

Just remembering last week-end, a very nice friday night. To resume?
- I love everybody that was there! No fights, no drama, everyone at ease. LOVELY! Everybody including Ally, my sweet classmate with whom I'm planning on moving to Uni in a far away place with. I was so happy that everything was like that. Yet, I'm worried I have better memories when there's someting crazy going on.
- "something crazy" did happen, but in my case it isn't crazybut normal=other guy. He was... okay. When I first saw him I thought he was really cute and had something special, which he has, but not a one-way advantage.I have no words to describe him and he did not mark his territory on me, for sure not. So, Next!
- I froze my butt off. Working 4 hours in the winter cold selling pastries might have been for a good cause, but I had a hard time staying. In the end it was fun, espescially for my ego. So many guys stopped for me, not the cakes!
-Liam came by for a few minutes after not seeing him for 6 months. I wasn't as happy as I thought I would be. He told me we'd be celebrating new years together, but told me a few days later it wouldn't happen. I wasn't even pissed, nothing!

Saturday I went on vacation to the mountains. I heard a lot of funny things from saturday night, but it didn't matter much to me.
Jake and Matt's names hitmy ears a few times, but I'm ignoring until it's forgotten. Why won't I cease caring?

Whatever, I can't wait to move with Ally, close to Rose (and Jake but wtf)and Andy has left quite an impression, writing and calling. Congrats to him!

"And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years." Abraham Lincoln

-Zelda

Day 20: Where do I stand now?

UGH! I was having a great day with the girls today, until I saw Jake in the same store we were in. Big smile when approaching me, I bearly moved my mouth, said hi, and talked a little bit with Rose until leaving (thank Goodness).

Last night was... great/okay/interesting. Great, because I had solo dinner with Andy and we talked and talked and I noticed being his companion was quite good for his ego, seeing the remarks he got from others. Okay, because there was not so much atmosphere at the red club, and even if the music was great at the box, the people there were an embarrasment. Interesting, because I thought Emilia would kill me.

Otherwise I met a reaaaaalllllyyy good looking guy last friday and saturday, but yet he's just not very entertaining. Boo that sucks, I'm wondering if I even give a damn seeing him again.

Tonight my friend Gilles is coming over to babysit my brother with me. Gosh, all the commentaries I've recieved about a guy friend coming over!

Where do I stand? I went from liking to hating Jake, having the best dinner ever with Andy, not being interested in a good-looking guy and spending my saturday babysitting with a buddy. Fun, Fun.

Day 19: In need of directions

It's a pain in the butt being single. You really want a good guy, don't want to jump on him once you spot one (to save whatever reputation) and yet nobody that really interests you shall call you in the evening.
Ah, but wait, I've been like this since January, and I don't want it to continue forever. Can somebody please call me?

I had both my eyes open last night. I don't think I'll be getting lucky too soon.

"Hope is the worst of evils, for it prolongs the torments of man." Nietzsche

-Zelda

Day 18: A bit of optimism

Ahhh before I forget. Everything is fine with Andy now. He talked to me like for 30 minutes at a halloween party (which didn't please Emilia, get.over.it.) and explained everything he was going through since his exams. I have total empathy and he can trust me any day in the future.

I'm also happy to say that Phoebe is over her ex, which makes me happy when knowing I'm not the only single lady here!

Good news is that Roxy is really coming to the mountain resort with laura for new years. I hear Part-T! Mostly because all the other guys there like her, which I find very convientient.

-Zelda

Day 18: No more Ms Happy & Mr Lucky

OMG it's been forever!

I finally started school again, and once again there was a party at the red club where I saw Jake. Weirdly enough though, I always feel like it's my job to approach him! This time I waited at first, and for some reason he was non-stop with Rose. Like she was even sitting between him and me and she didn't react! She should have noticed something was wrong on her own, like a real friend would, and then do something, like blow him off, or show herself as less interested, for me! I would do it any day for her! I don't know what was going on in her mind but she's lucky if I ever trust her with boys issues again.

Rose wasn't all the problems I had, nevertheless. Jake is a wierdo! I can't believe it's been taking me forever to find that out. I asked a guy friend his opinion on this guy (without knowing him) and he told me he just wants to get laid. So true! No matter how sweet he is at events, he should call me and show a sign of respect. To do otherwise would be acting like a jerk!
So let me say this, think this, and mean this once and for all.
IT'S OVER.
Next time I see him, he better really have good behaviour if he wants to get even smiled to. I'm sick of it. It's not MY job to go and talk to him, to tell him to call me, to visit him. So I've lost my tolerance. I've had it! Go to hell !

"Let us not look back in anger or forward in fear, but around in awareness" James Thurber

-Zelda

Day 17: Drama, Drama, Drama... Stop!

Emilia did it. She got me into a fight. I thought I was gonna kill her.
I did end up saying I'm sorry, but her response was "it's normal when you're only 17". Like hell I'm 17 and more mature than her.

I rejected that lamo from friday. It was hard but I asked my friend Boris to help me out. He's got great tips!

Andy still doesn't call and Boris (who is close to Andy) said he'll help me out. We'll see if this guy can be helped.

I'm too tired to give a full description. I'm tired. It's 23.20. Good Night. Gute Nacht. Bonne Nuit.

"Truth springs from argument amongst friends." David Hume

-Zelda

Day 16: Here we go... again!

So I went to the university where Rose studies... and where Jake studies.
Wednesday evening Rose and I had a before party at her house, with lots of alcohol, and later we joined a group of friends from my city (including J). I had a lot to drink, but I handled it amazingly! Big surprise? I did end up making out with J... and I loved every minute, once again!
This time of course he wanted me to sleep at his place... but rotten drunk Rosie got me way too fast out of that posibility.
The next day we texted but unfortunately he couldn't swing by Rose's place. And he couldn't make it Friday evening for many other reasons.
I really like him, but we only see each other at night in clubs and bars. I've talked to him, but never outside of parties. I would really like to talk to him more... Oh, we'll see.

Friday evening we celebrated Roxy's b-day and I've never ever ever been so drunk in my life. I hated that. I ended up with a nice bad-looking guy making compliments to my kissing and seeing me vomit. F-A-B-U-L-O-U-S. He wants to have a drink with me, and I'm too nice to reject him! What should I do? I'll see him for sure in my favorite clubs!

Saturday evening was Alexis's b-day, my fab gay buddy. There was a lot of people I didn't know but they all ended up being shit-faced and hilarious! Andy, Emilia, phoebe and my old friend marina were there. Andy and I didn't speak, and Emilia ran after him like a lap dog. Phoebe got close to her ex again, and I was completely sobre, and not having so much fun until 3.30 am.

Sooo how was my week? Interesting is the answer. I got once again back together with J just to get back onto the silence friendship, Andy is ignoring me and it's not even pissing me off, it's just annoying, I'm for sure going to Rose's University and I was for the first time ever shit-faced and I hated it. It's a little intense for a few days.

"Reality is the name we give to our disappointments." Mason Cooley

-Zelda

Day 15: A day late and a dollar short

I live in the unexpected, when it comes to guys.
Andy, who's got a dog's life, finally reacted to my strange drunk interest, two weeks late. He deserves a prize for his great timing. He told Emila, Roxy, and any other fortunate person near him that I'm behaving like his girlfriend.

Big word to swallow in my very single case.

Not only am I behaving like his girlfriend, but he's complaining about me treating him like a slut. The best part of all of this? The sentence of the week : I'm not her slut but I still want her.
You know it keeps getting better when Emilia totally makes a sour lemon face.My decision? Keeping my pie hole shut because I got all this info from Rose and Roxy. We don't want more people thinking there's something between Andy and I, because I've finally decided, I'm not interested. It might ocurre that when I'm lonely I use him to my profit, but even that would be going too far.

More news? Liam told me a week ago that he can't wait to see me and all... ending the conversation with a "Love you", until yesterday he told me he'll be staying a few days in Switzerland until he goes to Amsterdam for Christmas and New Year. With his two new blonde frienzies. Greaaat.

Another Scoop? Roxy will be celebrating New Year with me in Zermatt. The place where there's Dan and Matt and other guys. I can't believe she has thoughts I'll end up with my ex, again! I won't do that to myself, it already took me too long to forget him the first time!

I don't know how much longer I'm gonna handle this weird drama I'm getting without leaving the house. Andy thinking I'm crazy about him when Emilia is, Liam sweet interest in me and other blonde girls, Roxy planing a New Year I'm having a hard time to imagine...
And me going to see Rose at her university tomorrow for almost a week! Finally something good.


"A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject." Winston Churchill

-Zelda

Day 14: When the knots untie...

I came back from my wonderful vacation in Santander on Satudray evening. Ever since, I've been sick. Today's Friday and I'm feeling a little bit better, but mostly out of energy. I've been in contact with almost all of my friends and I'm happy to be back, even though I made a great friend in Santander, an american girl, Marissa.
Now that I'm back, there has already been some sweet drama I didn't miss a minute. Andy completely ignores me. New girl drama. Phoebe's got a boyfriend. (Uh, uh)
I admit, Monday night a week ago, I told Rose that I might have real feelings for him and I'd be ready to do more with him and that she should tell him. Big Mistake. Now I have no idea how he's doing because he never answers until I write him really threatening messages. His answer? The I-could-never-ignore-you-and-I'm-just-really-busy excuse. I can't believe that's his reaction to my drunk I-wanna-do-you confession.
Laura, an already overly dramatic girl as it is, is making a scene after 3 weeks that Emilia didn't invite her to my birthday. I just pretend I care, because for all I know, I had a good time, and it's in the past.
Emilia's reacting happily to the fact that Andy is ignoring me. She's probably hoping she can get to him now. Well, from his fantastic behaviour all I can say is: Go for it! (not that I care anymore)
Phoebe's got a boyfriend for 1 month now. He's a great sweet guy I'd wanna have as a brother but not a lover and she's using him. Since she can trust this sweetie with anything, she wants to lose her virginity to him and then get onto other dudes. I must say, I did expect more from sweet phoebe gone bad.
As for roxy, dan is still running behind her, and soon it'll become to boring to hear. If she's interested, she should go for it, otherwise not. The problem? She's not sure. I mean, she's got my full support since half a year on this project, so she's gonna have to forgive me if I lose my patience.
It's great to know that all my friend's lives are moving, but what about me?
Resting in bed is perfect. I'm gonna need a moment to get back into the rythm of the city and the gossip, so a break is just perfect. It's been almost a month now, so I think I'm soon gonna be on the scene again, and this time I might even take over.


"We could never learn to be brave and patient if there were only joy in the world." Helen Keller

-Zelda

Day 13: Welcome back!

Exams have been over for 3 days !
And yes, I've been going out for three days.
A huge group of friends did a surprise birthday bash for me and I was just amazed that I meant so much to them! A year ago I wouldn't have thought I would have such an amazing social life with all these down-to-earth people.
The birthday was amazing! Balloons, bubbles, decoration and crowns made my little girl dreams come true! What a sweet pack of friends.

Tomorrow I'm taking 2 planes to go to Santander, Spain. I can't wait to be livin' la vida loca on the uni campus. I'll be keeping myself updated anywhere possible for my friends.
Oh, I still haven't packed, how typical.

"The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart." Elizabeth Foley

-Zelda

Day 12: Dreaming my way into reality

I wish I didn't have these dumb exams. My life has become boring since. The only existing drama is with the girls of my class, and I've always seen it as lame.

During the day I work till I'm sleepy or bored to death, and at night I dream about love, sex, or... pregnancy.
Yes, I'm so messed up that I'm dreaming about babies. About a boy, to be exact. Not a very normal dream for a seventeen year old who actually only wants to party and make out.
I still have the image of that cute son of mine in my head. And the father I cannot count on. And the buddy who helps out like a dad. I feel very, very strange about this dream.
Sometimes at night I'd open my eyes to make sure my lover was/wasn't there and that my baby was actually a dream. Scary!

I'm so happy it's a dream and that soon I'll be thinking about other things. It's not that I don't love that particular baby with all my heart, it's just I wish it will be born into a more stable and happy environment.
I'm sooo tired, and so afraid to see his angel eyes and my lovers desire for me. It's just too much to handle.
Does this stuff happen when I work too much? I feel I'll be dreaming about babies for a long, long time if it always happens because of stress. Oh no!


"We can live without religion and meditation, but we cannot survive without human affection." HH The Dalai Lama

-Zelda

Day 11: Happy Birthday Zelda !

It's my birthday and the morning was just great... until now.
Andy called to congratulate and to tell me my ex Matt was running after a girl he knew and he told the girl not to date him.
Why did he even have to mention his name?
Can't he think that the reason I never EVER talk about his exes is to respect his personal life? He's suposed to be my friend and is only acting like a jerk.

I hope it gets better this afternoon... luckily I'm seeing Phoebe who will help me be myself.

"A word to the wise ain't necessary, it's the stupid ones who need the advice." Bill Cosby

-Zelda

Day 10: A break from reality ... =)

I've decided not to write about drama today ... something more fun, to celebrate my coming birthday in 2 hours haha.

I will put a list of the women I admire, so sorta my girl-crushes, and why I admire them.

1. Keira Knightley: for being naturally beautiful and for playing in great movies like Pride&Prejudice and The Duchess

2. Lauren Conrad: for her amazing way of knowing how to dress and sell.

3. Rachel Mcadams: for being a stunning actress, a "normal" celebrity and a Canada-lover.

4. Leighton Meester : For her role as Blair and her fun-to-listen songs.

5. Selena Gomez : For being a real Disney star and normal fun-loving girl.

6. Carrie Underwood: For being my favorite singer ! (and I never listened to country)

7. Annalynne Mccord: For playing a wonderful biatch on the show 90210.

8. Natalie Portman : For being a talented, smart and pretty actress and showing brains can come with the looks.

9. Ashley Greene : For being my fav' vampire and Twilight star, Alice Cullen!

10. Diana Vickers : For being my favorite TV sing star, and for letting me wait for the soon to come CD!


"Judge of your natural character by what you do in your dreams." Ralph Waldo Emerson

-Zelda

Day 9: Excuse me, aren't you mistaken?

Yikes! I just got news to chatter about.
Emilia went out on Saturday (of course) and saw Jake and sorta everybody else who possibly knew about him & I.
He went over to her and asked for me, looking pretty bummed I wasn't there (or even close).
Apparantley, Andy had seen him and asked whether he wanted to eat lunch with Andy and me the day before. Something I had no idea of. He didn't come because he was too stressed as he had to "buy medecine at the pharmacy".
I can't believe that's considered a valid answer. What planet does he live on??
I must be right about the "immature" part. I was so cracked up when I heard this story.
Please, dude, if this is true, get a life.

"I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it. " Evelyn Beatrice Hall

-Zelda

Day 8: Much thoughts, lame reason.

Don't you ever wonder what went wrong? Like why is the guy you cared so much about suddenly OUT of your life?

I feel that way all the time.

For Matt, as I still don't get what even happened when we dated... like a dream or a fantasy movie. It's been 6 months I'm single for crying out loud ! Why do I still care?

For Liam, my ultimate guy friend who went to New York without saying good-bye and doesn't even care of how I'm doing. Does he want me to leave him alone or should I ask what's wrong?

For Andy, as he is extremely happy to see me all the time but yet doesn't have what it takes to write a sms. What's his problem? still undecided?

Maybe these guys aren't men but boys. Totally immature boys. How come I like them so much? No idea.

"The trick is in what one emphasizes. We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same." Carlos Castaneda

-Zelda

Day 7: Waiting for ... ?

What did I do? Why must I be so desperate in the absolute wrong moments?!
I invited Jake to Emilia's party as my "guy" and to resume the whole... we kissed and almost had s.e.x.
We got very close by the end of the evening, but till then we weren't as close. Some whore from the table next to us kept going to him, and for a while I had no idea where he was. I found out later that he was talking to Roxy outside, so no worries. So we got really close after my guy friend (who was finally useful) pretended to flirt with me so Jake would come running. It was an awsome night, without a doubt, and he said like 20 times "I'll call you tomorrow". It's monday now, and still no call. What went wrong?
I'll never get guys even if I'm really good at understanding them...
So now I'm waiting for that call, and the more time passes, the faster I'll move on to another guy.


"If we could see the miracle of a single flower clearly, our whole life would change." Buddha

-Zelda

Day 6: What Guy friends do wrong... with me

Andy just knows how to annoy me.
I went out this week end, and everybody was there (...even the unwanted), including Andy and Jake.
Andy, the a** hole, didn't hang so much at our table, but checked out and made out with some blond "girl". I thought it was inappropriate because it was Emilia's b-day. Him wanting to have a one-nighter didn't annoy me at all, just his rudeness.
I got closer to Jake, again: spotting on the dancefloor, dancing, talking, kissing... without much discretion. So now EVERYBODY knows. Yet, I don't care! I was happy and we were all having a good time. No regrets...

... with one exception close. Andy used the opportunity to talk to Jake and he apparently asked him whether he was going to date me. WTF?! Doesn't he know that guy friends just canNOT do that?
He still didn't tell me what J even said in their conversation.

... I am deeply annoyed.

"Good judgment comes from experience, and often experience comes from bad judgment." Rita Mae Brown

-Zelda

Day 5: Boring day, bad weather

Omg I'm bored. I almost fantasize a head ache right now because watching Greek is my only occupation, and I've watched 72 minutes already.
I'm rethinking my last week end, cause my week was sorta lame, even if I did do something.
Why does Andy want me soooo bad and yet not show it to me in a romantic way?
Why do I feel so annoyed to wait a week to write to J, when I know he isn't boyfriend material?
I need to get out of here, into the sun. I only see clouds, so I'll keep whining I think ...

"The best thing about the future is that it only comes one day at a time." Abraham Lincoln

-Zelda

Day 4: Unusual compromise

This week end was crazy. No, it was more.
I had a picnic with friends where I ended up kissing Andy (who is trying to give up smoking). Emilia was fakely happy about that, of course.
We went to the colony bar to meet up with a buddy I spent new years with, Dan. He was with his friends, including a guy called Jake.

Before I say any more, the main reason we went to meet Dan ( I mean Andy, Roxy and I) was because Dan is "crushing" on Roxy, my close friend. She didn't know how he really was, and if he'd always talk about money like he did so far (which he didn't eventually).

Anyway, once Andy left, I got to talk to Jake. I was amazed by how interesting he was, and I was attracted. We ended up talking two hours, dancing 30 min and kissing I don't know how long. I felt the chemistry in all cases. He was almost too good to be true.

The one thing that spoiled my evening was my other ex, Damien, yelling at my face that I played with his emotions and that I think I'm better than everybody else. Wtf? He was simply humiliating himself and I didn't care a damn about him. (Of course he used my bathroom run as the opportunity to talk to Jake, which didn't effect J).

J was great, even walked me to the taxi. What can I say now? I had a too good time to exchange numbers? (thank god for facebook) He eventually wrote on my fb wall the next day, and all I think now is, I want to see him again !
I love flirting... but I'll have to wait 2 weeks till he's finished his exams to continue where we left off. How insane driving.

-Zelda

Day 3: The routine

I was sorta expecting this week to be more exciting, but it might be better with less drama, as I'm non-stop tired and doing my daily fitness routine. I have not heard from Andy since he's talked with Emilia, and I don't trust 100% Emilia's version of the story as crushes do serious brain damage.
I've finally talked with Liam, who had been ignoring me for a month. I hate to know that he mostly ignored me because I "flirted" with Andy and Andy went to rub it in his face. Boys, boys, boys...
Some things never change. Like Liam and Andy getting each other jelous, neither one of them ever calling, Emilia giving me a different version of the truth, her truth, my BFF Phoebe totally off the map, Rosie being my only chatting buddy.
I have to say, even with their funny flaws, I love them all.

-Zelda

Day 2 : Drama Queen

Emilia is such a DRAMA queen ! Making a fuss because he ain't calling after she cried on his shoulder, telling me I'm cold! (sure I'm "cold" in her eyes I actually don't care when guys fuck up)
Poor Andy. Poor Rosie. Poor future husband. Were I her husband, would this be our ultimate divorce. Making a scene 1 hour long for a guy who calls her almost every day and just isn't in the mood to explain himself!!
She's comparing his behaviour with every other girl to their relationship and it's kicking on my nerves right now.
I need some sleep. We ALL need some sleep after such a scene. If she continues, she'll be able to forget her friends calling her at all.

-Zelda

Day 2: P.S. We're not so different.

I'm not a coward. Not completely. I saw Andy today and it was just great. I understand him well and I think he gets me, too. Soon we'll be finishing each others sentences. One thing is for sure. No one, absolutely no one, knows everything about either one of us.

-Zelda

Day 1: Countdown to midnight

Something amazing happened. Andy called. He told me I was right, Emilia clearly has feelings for him. I couldn't believe my ears. At the same time, another feeling emerged. He was awfully sweet to me on the phone. I remembered good times with him, his 6-month old crush on me, our kiss, his hapiness in seeing me. It overwhelmed me. Maybe the movie I was watching affected my brain (I mean we're talking about "Something's gotta give" here). I was in a sudden romantic mood.
I saw romantic scenes in my head, a mix between the movie and my dreams. The both of us walking on the beach or in Paris at night. We're the old couple. Never daring to truly admit what we feel, because we ignore those feelings but we know they exist. The two old buddies never committing. Friends in disguise. Playing a game in front of the others, in front of ourselves.
It's midnight now. I want to be on a bridge in Paris with him, finally saying what I think. Yet I'm too much of a coward to find the words. Like Harry having a heart attack and searching for air...
We're the next day. Maybe I'll be less of a coward. Just maybe.

-Zelda

Day 1 : Sunday in the Sun

I've decided to do something I haven't done in a while. Think about my ex, my first love. (or so I think)
It amazes me to know that I didn't care about his reputation or bad choice of friends. I simply didn't care, because he was all I needed. There was finally a person who cared for me, who made me smile, who could touch me the way he could. I thought he was attractive, I still do, yet others say he's not so special.
I truly wonder, does he ever think of me? Why did he suddnenly drop everything and leave me? (his explanation was worthless)
I forgive him. I hope he's happier now. I hope it's for the best.
His name rests in my heart and only time will make the pain go away.

-Zelda

Day 1 : Girl Trouble

I am probably the least dramatic person in the country, and yet, drama follows me, mostly through my friends.
A good friend of mine, Emilia, 18, has this sort of "crush" on our very good buddie, Andy. Andy has liked me in a special way for 6 months. (He's a little complicated with emotions and I ignored all chemistry until we kissed for the first time, where he ended up acting as if nothing were.) We all went out to party (where I ended up taking care of drunk friends), and I learned that Emilia had cried on Andy's shoulder for half an hour. I really didn't care, because I was simply busy. The next day I spoke with her, and she told me the following :
" Rosie told me that she saw some problems between Andy and me, so I went to talk to Andy outside. He told me I was becoming the same girl I was 6 months ago, in other words, sticking to him when he approaches other girls and being very touchy. I answered that I was having a difficult time and that I needed support, and that maybe I was looking for it that way. And so I started crying. He's the first guy who made me cry."

It is always awkward when we talk about him, because she can't admit her feelings for him, and he will never have the guts to tell her what he really thinks.
Emilia always tells me that my relationship with Andy is different, because I never get upset when he doesn't call or answer or flirts with other girls.
Honestly, I don't know if I should do something or not. Andy is too nice to break her heart, yet he doesn't want anything more than friendship with her. And should I continue ignoring the existing chemistry between him and me?

-Zelda